Bandit, Get A Shovel


So, Citigroup. Our favorite zombie bank.

We’ve given you tons of funds. You acted like you were paying some of it back, when in reality it was just cash from our coffers being shuffled around, since you got a handy $38 billion dollar tax break at the same time.

$C, are we really supposed to believe you can’t afford to shovel your sidewalks?

$BAC, $JPM, you ain’t got no alibi, either. Look, TD shoveled THEIR sidewalks, okay? And they’re run by a Canadian dude who you’d think would be even more likely to just say “Ten inches of snow is nothing, ya hosers” and leave it there.

TIME commenter “deconstructiva” offered the following explanations:

…possible reasons….
1. After bonuses, there wasn’t enough cash to hire a shoveler.
2. Choice of paying back bailout money or hire a shoveler.
3. All shovelers are currently busy shoveling …something else.
4. They did hire shovelers. Alas, they hired the duck kind and they’re all in Vikram Pandit’s office suite eating his giant tubs of multi-flavored holiday popcorn.
5. To save money, Pandit is shoveling the walks of all Citi branches himself. He’ll get around to that one so stop complaining already.

Really though, we’re just waiting for someone to request bailout money because of the unexpected Northeast snowstorm, be it banks, automakers, or retailers.

(h/t anonymous $C employee.)